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by Tim Hughes | @Timothy_Hughes | LinkedIn

In a recent interview between Simon Sinek and Jordan Harbinger they talked about building trusting relationships.

If you think about how we have always sold, it’s been about relationships.

When I went on my first sales call, I asked the salesperson who was asigned to mentor me, I said “Chris, when I get to the meeting, what do I do?”  He said “look on the walls for the photos and pictures and use that as a way to make conversation, make a connection and build rapport”.

So if when you arrive for that meeting and there are photos of Rugby or Formula One or Fly fishing on the wall it enables you to start a conversation.

Rapport isn’t a word you hear nowadays but 25 years ago it was all the rage. If you think about it, we are always (in sales) trying to build a connection. Where we went to school, college, the football team we support. We do this as it builds trust and people buy from people they trust.

That’s the problem with outbound types of sales prospecting. In fact its the problem with any form of interruption and broadcast marketing and sales. Cold calling, unsolicited emails, advertising, Linkedin inmails, they are all forms of interruption.

The problem is three fold:-

  1. The interruption is annoying and you have already pissed off the person you are contacting.
  2. You probably know nothing of the person your are calling
  3. You have to broadcast, pitch to the person.

It’s an unnatural act.

Back to the interview with Simon Sinek, Simon says “Trust is essential because we want to know that somebody’s got our backs. Like how do you know your friends are your friends? Love and trust and all of these things, they’re feelings, not instructions. You cannot order people to trust each other. They are feelings, and they are born out of the environment. The environment comes from shared values and shared belonging.”

He goes on to make the point about how you could standing in Paris and you hear somebody speak with your home accent you would have to go and talk to that person. Simon says this “creates a sense of camaraderie amongst us in this world in which we don’t feel like we belong.”

Simon goes onto say “It’s tribalism, and the modern-day tribe is the company—so the best companies are values-based. They have a sense of purpose and cause, and when we work there, we feel like we can be ourselves. Trust is a biological construction born out of the environments we’re in.”

When we are on social, regardless of which company we work for, social gives us a sense of belonging.  I am, my network, we look to see how many connections we have, how many common connections we have.  We want to contribute, connect and be part of the tribe.

Simon goes on to say “The only difference between work and home are the clothes we wear and the tables we sit at. I am who I am, and the reason my friends love me is the same reason my colleagues love me. It’s me, and if I’m different in one of those two places, then in one of those two places, I’m lying. Authenticity means that you say and do the things you actually believe. If others believe what you believe, they will be drawn to you. If they don’t believe what you believe, they will be repelled by you. It’s not good or bad—we don’t have to hate people who have different beliefs. We don’t have to be friends with everybody either, but we do have to respect other beliefs, we have to respect things that are not our own.”

Social enables us to find the tribe to form a connection, engage and build trust.  When we write and blog, you can express your values, desires, comforts, and discomforts, and even though readers may disagree, they won’t judge you, and you will never feel like you’re being judged. This is what we all seek, as human beings—this is what we all desire. We want this in our relationships, we want this in our friendships, and frankly, we want it at work too.

Social enables you to build networks and these network of contacts will enable you to get leads and meetings, form relationships on-line and off-line and be in a position ahead of your competition.  You can of course, still piss people off, but you also have the choice to be the natural choose, maybe even the only choice when it comes to placing that order.

Simon Sinek is a bestselling author and leadership expert whose TED Talk, “How Great Leaders Inspire Action,” has been viewed over 40 million times, making it one of the most popular TED Talks of all time. Jordan Harbinger is on The Jordan Harbinger Show 

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Look at me! I’m brilliant, I must be – that’s why I love me.


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